Let’s play a love game…do you want love or do you want fame?

I recently stumbled upon a thought-inspiring article in Marie Claire magazine titled “The New Male Midlife Crisis”. The concept behind the short piece focuses on an emerging new breed of male commitment phobes, an affliction well-known and commonly characterized by 40-something men and their tendency towards a seemingly inexplicable spontaneous exodus into reliving their more youthful days, a panic attack approach to achieving a second chance at life, you know, the immensely satisfying lackadaisical feelings of pre-maturation. This called for an interview with a male friend, and here’s what he had to say:

“I definitely agree with what it is saying about guys today.  We’re definitely a new generation of people.  When i started working at that accounting firm, one of the partners brought up a similar point.  Older people, like the partners, live to work.  They define themselves by what they do as their job.  But today’s generation works to live.  They work to earn money to do all the other stuff that they want to do outside of the workplace.  I think the same is true when it comes to relationships.  Men need to be independent and be able to do what they want when they want.  We’re not very complicated and pretty easily satisfied.  Women from my experience definitely do have more of a concrete plan in mind.

Personally, I only really have a plan for the next 5 years, and that really only relates to my career.  The idea of being in a committed relationship living with the other person and talking about kids is a little scary.  I think it’s because I don’t want to be defined by my relationship just like I don’t want to be defined by my job.  Being with someone is great, dont get me wrong.  Experiencing anything is always better if you can share that experience with someone.  But guys today seem to just want to live in the current moment and not really worry about the future, especially when it comes to relationships.  I’ve seen it happen with a couple of my friends when they are with the girlfriends for a while.  They no longer are able to do things that they want to do.  They have to include their girlfriends in EVERYTHING because they’re stuck in this stasis in their relationship and for some reason cannot flex their independence.  And it’s pretty obvious they are not happy with that situation.

Guys just want to be able to do things they want to do, and hopefully they can find someone that actually understands that attitude.  It’s not that we don’t think about all those things like kids, a house, marriage, etc.  We are just less concerned with it right now and scared that our lives will only involve those things.” – Tim Hoffart.

Well, put  I would say,

You can Click on the Link here: The New Male Midlife Crisis to read for yourself…..    and check out the Lady Gaga Video, for creds:(LOveGame)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riNX2eHLw5E

Friends…Without Benefits

Inspired by a fellow Communications major from San Diego, who is currently researching relationship dynamics and conducted a survey revolving around relationships of friends with benefits, I contemplated just how someone could find themselves in such a situation.

We’ve all heard the sayings: “friends with benefits,” “no strings attached”….and… in an ideal world these concepts would allow two people to enjoy all the perks of  a relationship, aka, sex, without all the nasty complications, heartbreaks, unfulfilled expectations and commitments. This all sounds great on paper, on the surface, but in my experience, this simply does not work. There needs to be a warning label associated within these rules, “no strings attached” would then sound more like “invisible strings may buckle under pressure” -or- “friends for benefits” sounds more appropriate.  You might ask: how does someone find himself or herself in this situation? For starter, I think there are three stages that need to be considered. The first is what I like to call “let’s just be friends.” This is the hardest and most trying stage and it is also the one that will determine your advancement to all other stages. In “let’s just be friends” there may be a mutual agreement to end a relationship, or just a one-sided attempt at breaking free with “good intentions.” The problem here is whether both sides can agree that staying friends will be worth it in the long run. The reality is that most of us are simply unprepared for this new frontier. This  shift requires letting go to the fullest, no more ” I love you’s” and no more intimacy. The rules are blurry and objectivity is virtually impossible, especially when realizing your ex is seeing other people. Therefore, remaining impartial to one another will require an immense amount of willpower. Unfortunately, this is where many couples fail miserably. So why do we do it? Why are we putting ourselves in the line of danger for more heartbreak and loss? Well, I can offer up two possible scenarios. The first is known as the “it’s not over” scenario. In this case, staying friends provides a sense of security, a question mark or bookmark to be placed as a spot-saver in the relationship.  The second is the “It’s not over till it’s over” scenario. Here, someone is looking for payback in the worst possible way. They agree to stay friends just long enough to play out their revenge for for getting dumped. This is a bad idea, both sides end up getting hurt and it is emotionally and physically tiring; just not worth it. This brings us to the inevitable “stage two”: the booty call. In this stage, we can observe the newly titled “friends” still frequently in each others company and on speaking terms with one another. But, wait…it’s after midnight…Coincidence? Probably not. This is a tell-tale sign of reaching the twilight realm known as the booty call. This phase may manifest itself in many inconspicuous ways: a late night phone call, or even under the false pretenses of “watching a movie” or “saying hi”.

The possibilities or better yet, the excuses are many, but the final result is the same. This stage is illustrated by mind-blowing hookups, possibly even unlike you’d ever experienced while together. Having your cake and eating it too never tasted so good. For, like, ten minutes. The aftermath is downright confusing, the reality sinks in, and the questions begin to formulate. What does this mean? Why are we not together. And girls, although you know the answers to your own questions, you fervently deny them with fierce hope that there is meaning to be made from the situation. You tell yourself, “this can’t happen again.”  But it does. Again and again. You have finally reached stage three. You are in limbo with yourself between doing the right thing and giving in to the seemingly harmless idea of “friends with benefits.” This is where the complications arise. Once you’ve reached this stage, it is difficult to get out alive. Unintentional as it may have seemed, your emotions and patience is wearing thin. My advice is in this situation? This may sound a tad pessimistic, but I can’t deny that I haven’t been jaded myself, so take this with a grain of salt. Whatever you do, don’t resort to a rebound; this will basically start the cycle over again. Instead, break the cycle before it begins. Save yourself the disappointment, give yourself time to heal, and embrace being single. Stop trying so hard to make it work, if it obviously isn’t. I have yet to learn that staying friends while carrying emotional baggage is worthwhile. Easier said than done, I know, but trust me, the world will be better off.

For fun, click for some friends…. watch?v=fsvsRZhNVp4

go ahead, raid your cupboard…its calorie free!*

***Well to be fair, I actually meant your fragrance cupboard. since holiday season is coming up and that means diets are out and sweets are in,( and honestly who’s really gonna give up some indulgences?) I’ve taken up the practice of just spritzing myself with the irresistible smells instead. You may feel reluctant to copy, but somehow, somehow smelling like the real thing really curbs the craving to attack the nearest stack of funfetti rainbow cupcakes (my personal fave). It may sound like I’m over-simplifying the situation but hey, Its fun to pretend sometimes. Some people don’t like smelling too sweet and there are tons of sprays that promise true-to-scent results that just aren’t… so I’ve narrowed down some good choices that give your nose the double take and prevent you from taking down double this year.

1) I love minty-sweet smells and so….Bath & Body works holiday collection makes two scents that are sooo addicting and surprisingly fresh!

The first is TWISTED PEPPERMINT BODY SPLASH ($11)

IT’S AN INVIGORATING SCENT THAT IS COOL, REFRESHING, MINTY, SUGARY WITH A HINT OF VANILLA AND COMES IN AN
8 OZ BOTTLE SO IT LASTS FOREVER!
2) THE SECOND COURSE IS THE YULTIDE PEAR VANILLA ($10)…ITS SUBTLE JUICY PEAR AND WARM TOASTY, BUTTERY VANILLA. NOT TOO MUCH AND NOT TOO LITTLE,
IT’S PERFECT FOR DAYTIME WEAR.

 

3) NEXT UP IS DEMETER FRAGRANCE LIBRARY SCENTS WHICH ALWAYS SMELL LIKE THE REAL THING. THEY ARE AFFORDABLE ($20) AND
LAST FOR A WHILE ON YOUR SKIN. I’VE PICKED 3 FAVORITES…(JUST CAUSE I LOVE SMELLING LIKE CAKES!)
*** DEMETER ANGEL FOOD
*** DEMETER CREME BRULEE

*** DEMETER VANILLA CAKE BATTER (THEY ALL COME IN LARGER 4 OZ. SIZES TOO!)

{NOW HAVE YOUR CAKE, AND EAT IT TOO }

S Factors, Take That!

Ahh, stress. It comes a knockin’ at your door at a most inopportune time doesn’t it?  In today’s busy lifestyle we hardly have the time to hold a candle to this fact. Alone time, ain’t happenin’. We are surrounded and enveloped by things that whirl around us and infiltrate our mind, body and spirit on an everyday basis. Let’s be honest too, exhaustion hardly leads us to immediately fall asleep at night after a day out and about either. Although sleep does help, what about those deadlines, homework, (cooking dinner!?), etc… yeah they’re looming, yes its constant, but, how are you gonna fake your “beauty rest” when an 8-hour commitment is in fact quite impossible albeit not even an option? Waking up looking tired, puffy and frazzled instead of flawless clear-eyed and put-together is not an easy fix. Not in my book nor in anyone else’s.    But, being as it may, a challenge, I say “Take that” to this task with a little help from some tried and true waker-uppers, no its not 5 cups of coffee…its 5 “whoo-zahh” things you can try to help you get up and ease off  a little of that  cranky-crank in the a.m.

1) Night Before (Sleep, it is a good idea to at least TRY for 6 hours.) Place 2 spoons and a moisturizer in the fridge.

After washing off the remains of your day, have a quick, (5 minute)” me time” moment. Grab a super-potent, hydrating masque like Sk-II face treatment mask, which comes in ready-to-use packs infused with an ingredient similar to fermenting sake, ( and is applied easily as a cloth mask with eye and mouth cutouts!), a little weird concept but it is great, I promise! Next, lie down, light a candle and focus on breathing, that’s it. After a few minutes, take the mask off, you don’t even have to rinse!! just blend the rest into your face like you’d apply a serum or lotion and get to bed. 

2) Wake up,( grrr alarm clock)… Wash your face, grab the spoons and place each one under your eyes for about a minute, follow with the chilled moisturizer. The cooling sensations really help wake you!

3) Drink a full glass of water, to hydrate and revitalize your skin. (Good time to take your vitamins too!)

4) When applying makeup, use a tinted moisturizer instead of foundation, which is too heavy to wear early in the a.m. I love, love Laura Mercier Oil-Free tinted moisturizer, its light, non-oily, still gives you coverage and gives you dewy glow. Next, make sure to use a light, radiance-boosting concealer like Yves Saint Laurent Touche Eclat Radiant Touch, (a pen-like applicator makes it easy) and finish by curling your lashes and using a sparkly white or cream-colored shimmer powder on your brow-bone, inner corners of your eyes and temples.

5) (Coffee lovers: Do as I say, Not as I usually do…)  Eat breakfast, it should be the biggest meal of your day, but if you’re pressed for time, at least grab some fruit, whole or sprouted grain toast, a handful of nuts and skip the coffee, (withdrawl-like symptoms may creep up on you) and opt for a less-jolty cup of green tea. It still gives you a caffeine fix but not as harsh, plus it has antioxidants and other healthful energy benefits. Recently, I’ve been enjoying Yogi Tea’s  varieties like the weight control blueberry one which is sweetened with a natural sugar-substitute called Stevia, and is yummy hot or cold.   

Ok, now, do your thing and eat, sleep, repeat!!    

For the love of chocolate…

Lavender-Infused Chocolate PotsChocolate got it all right. It is sweet, luscious, decadent, romantic, creamy, spicy, aromatic, salty, bitter…It tastes good hot, frozen, melted, soft, crunchy…it can be baked into anything from sweet treats to spicy-bitter mole sauce for meats. It is the ultimate feel good, good for you, gift to give on all occasions and always appreciated universal aphrodisiac. Chocolate is a sharable, mixable, magical concoction that will eternally be my go to mood lifter-upper.

So, now that I’ve probably started your mouth-watering with dreamy visions of various chocolatey confections ( just as Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory seems to evoke whenever I start watching it,) I wanted to offer up a recipe that I will be trying out in my attempt to fully appreciate the frozen block of truffles in my freezer that beckons me to be indulged, inspired and in heaven.  Even better, I have found a recipe that also calls for Lavender, the soothing, calming effects of which are well known and have been well explored in enticing edible combinations, including our dearly beloved choco, which also happens to catch the corner of my eye, ever so curiously for weeks now, as i poke about in the fridge. So, please be tempted, give it a try, a taste and a toast of wine!

1 stick (or 1/2 cup) plus 1 tablespoon unsalted butter
4 ounces semisweet Lavender- infused chocolate, with 60 percent cocoa solids* I love DAGOBA organic chocolate for this!

1/2 tsp. Lavender extract

1 tsp Dried Lavender

2 eggs**
3/4 cup superfine sugar***
3 tbsp all-purpose flour
Special equipment: 4 (2/3 to 1-cup capacity) ramekins

Optional
1/2 small container of cold heavy whipping cream
1 tbsp of sugar
1 tbsp of chocolate shavings (this is just shaving a bar of chocolate using a microplane or box grater, or you can peel the chocolate with a vegetable peeler for curlier strips)

Place a baking sheet in the oven and preheat to 400 degrees F. Flour and butter the ramekins with 1 tablespoon butter and a dusting of flour. Using a double broiler****, melt the dark lavender chocolate, dried lavender, lavender extract and 1 stick butter. You want to stir the chocolate & butter mixture so as the ingredients cook evenly and there are no lumps. When the chocolate is completely smooth, set aside to cool for about five minutes.

In another bowl, mix the eggs with the sugar and flour with a hand whisk and beat in the cooled butter and chocolate mixture. Divide the mixture between the 4 buttered ramekins. Place the ramekins on a baking sheet. Bake for about 15 minutes, by which time the tops will be cooked and cracked and the chocolate gooey underneath.

****Garnish with lavender if desired, finish with some lavender tea with cream or a glass of pinot noir or red zinfandel  to get your senses into overdrive….~~Sweet Dreams~~

Annie’s Savory Squash Soup

In my roommates honor, and in order to help immortalize this improvisational recipe, I decided this amazing soup should be shared with the world. Its not your average heavy cream based soup, its light and summery and crazy good.

You need a Crock Pot and a blender for this one.

You will need these ingredients:

3-4  Acorn Squash(remove seeds and cut in half)

1/2 bunch of celery stalks (chopped)

3 carrots (chopped)

1 sweet onion (chopped)

1 can coconut milk

2 tbl. olive oil

dashes of the following to taste; ginger, garlic, cumin, allspice, pepper and salt.

1 tsp. yellow curry powder

You can roast the squash on a baking sheet in the oven (400 degrees 45 minutes), or if you want it done quicker, place the squash in the microwave for several minutes until soft. Scoop out the flesh and set aside.

In a crock pot combine the vegetables and spices and add the olive oil and coconut milk. Let cook for 3-4 hours until the vegetables are soft.

When ready, remove vegetable mixture and cool for 10-15 minutes. Place in a blender or food processor. Add squash and puree together adding some water to thin out the mixture. Continue pulsing until blended. Serve the soup hot with pepper and a swirl of coconut milk if desired.

Mmmm, yummy!

Makes about 6 servings.

Don’t Google Me.

Side note for today: I decided to google my blog page to see if it pops up anywhere near the top (or first page for that matter) of any search results. The findings in that experiment were, as expected, none.  (I guess I haven’t mastered the whole SEO thing just yet) With some shock, however, I DID discover that the name I chose is actually quite popular….most predominantly with the female pleasure enhancement “stuff” sites. Well, looks like I’m blogging to the wrong demographic here, or, maybe I should find a way to collaborate…

Fill in the...

Bespoken Barretts

Alice Barrett

“Stella Accessories began when four friends, roommates and fashion students became increasingly tired of searching for unique, fashion forward hair accessories at an affordable price. With the help of their beloved Pomeranian, Stella, the fierce foursome decided to combine all of their distinct personal styles into a collection of fresh, versatile, and incredibly wearable hair accessories…”visit @ www.stellaaccessories.com

Leading Lashes

Ok, so what girl doesn’t want darker, longer, thicker, curvier lashes? In this day and age, the beauty market is flooded with products that promise to deliver a concoction that will transform those barely -there, transparent, volume-challenged wispies into luxe, hollywood glamorized, come-hither, wink-wink beauties. Question stands, what’s out there and what actually works. Here’s a sampling of what you can expect when you’re expecting more va-va-voom.

First, lets start with some newbies on the market:

1) Lash Extensions: Promising to last up to 5 weeks, this is the closest to permanent lash enhancement you can get. This is a relatively new industry, pioneered by Xtreme Lashes founder Jo Mousselli. She says it’s ” a revolutionary product that will provide you with longer, thicker, luscious and natural looking eyelashes. Xtreme Lashes Eyelash Extensions are not traditional false eyelashes. They are single synthetic strands of eyelashes applied ONE by ONE directly to your individual eyelashes.

2) Lash Tinting- Ideal for those looking for a semipermanent and waterproof solution, lash tinting involves a process where your eyelashes are dyed to make them look darker. Depending on your skin type and hair color, you can achieve eyelash colors, including black, blue, brown, grey or whatever color best fits your complexion. Its a non-surgical procedure that uses vegetable dye as a tint and could be a solution for contact lens wearers and athletes. Neat fact: it only takes about 15 minutes to apply by a salon professional, home kits should be avoided.

3) Lash Growing, starting out as a treatment for glaucoma patients who noticed an increase in length and fullness in their lashes. With continued use of their medicated eye drops, the formulation, bimatoprost ophthalmic solution, is now marketed as Latisse (among others that have sprung up) and it is an FDA approved treatment that treats hypotrichosis, a condition causing inadequate or “not enough” eyelashes. (hey, sounds like a vague description for something that most women would claim…) It is applied directly to the baseline of your lashes using a small brush. check out before and after testimonials…http://www.latisse.com/FeaturedWomenGallery.aspx?state=32

4) Lash Tubing- my roommate swears by it, and I’ve actually tried this one! The idea behind the marketing strategy for this product, which can be found at specialty stores like Sephora and online at their website, is that you should stop painting your lashes…and start “tubing” them. From first glance, the vehicle for this product looks like a standard tube of mascara. It has a similar, small brush applicator too. The difference lies in the formula used. The sticky consistency of the tubing material makes application a bit tricky and time-consuming but the result is pretty good. Being blessed with naturally long lashes, this formula coated them and increased their thickness quite a bit. As for my roommate, she has Asian eyes and she hasn’t found a better mascara. The “wow” factor comes in at the end of the day, when it comes to its removal. Its super easy, and comes off in “tube clumps” leaving behind virtually no yucky residue, although I initially freaked out because the sink was covered with little lash molds that looked as if my lashes had fallen out! Not to fear, though, it was just the tubing working its magic.  My favorite “tubing” mascara is Blinc and they make a tubing liquid liner too.

5) Mascara: tried and true. So many to choose. Here are a few favorites:

Splurge:  1) Diorshow by Christian Dior in 090, $24. (my fave. It lengthens, darkens and thickens!)

2) Inimitable by Chanel, $30. Go for the Noir Black one for night or Noir Brun for day.  So pretty, my “go to” for flirty, curvy lashes.

Steal:       1) Loreal Paris H.i.p. (High Intensity Pigments) $10 in Ultimate Black. Super thick and long wear mascara.

2)  Maybelline Define-a-Lash Volume Mascara, $6.99 in Very Black. Love it! Awesome application for gorgeous lashes at a great price!

Falsies: Ok, these can be very addicting! They can be used for special occasions, and vary from out-there, costumey styles to everyday casual enhancers. Some require precise application with special lash glue and others make it convenient for you by providing ready-to-wear pairs. (These are generally for one time use.)  M.A.C. cosmetics has an amazing collection of falsies at affordable prices, so you really can’t go wrong there.(They even apply them for you, if you’d like, when you purchase them.)

Lastly, you have to invest in a perfect curler! I am forever devoted to Shu Uemura’s eyelash curler. It is hands-down the best and comes with a replacement rubber insert. It lasts 3 months with daily use. You can get it online or at Sephora Stores, $19.  (plus: Its award winning!)  24K gold curler also available, $24.

High-Speed & High-End

Online shopping is not just a craze and phase, it’s a must for the distinctive shopper looking for deals, steals and ideas. As an avid Ebayer and self-proclaimed/recovering shopaholic, I’m always on the lookout for new sites that offer the best of convenience, haute couture, and bargain. Hard to come by in the ever-evolving, cyclical world of fashion and trend-watching,

Anatomy of Style

I know.

It takes some detective work and effort to find shopping sites to fulfill all these criteria within the bottom-less pit of boutique, department, foreign, designer and second-hand online stores. There is something to be said about filtering through the multitude of worthlessness out there, just as you would squirm your way through Saturday morning sale seekers, crowds and stacks of unorganized “new mark downs,” the online experience is fully capable of delivering similar stress attacks, frustrations and hours of unsuccessful and unyielding attempts at finding that “perfect new outfit.”

However, there is an undeniable excitement that comes attached to this new fashion frontier. Some things to consider is that most frequent online shoppers choose the web for its freedom of personal space, (i.e. no crowds!!), accessibility and exclusivity made readily available anytime anywhere.

Here are my top 10 reasons to embrace it:

1) You can do it in your underwear: no shirt, no shoes, no problem.

2) There are no sudden, “brace- yourself- for- the-price-tag” moments. It’s all there, quick, and in your face: just like ripping off a band aid.

3) More stores are now offering free returns, seriously!

4) With some mastery, you can find online coupons for just about any store, promo codes, and free shipping to enter during checkout. It’s worth a look.

5) Many stores you have to drive to, find parking, and traverse escalators and departments that don’t interest you. That’s all eliminated, guess it could be eco-friendly too.

6) Some online stores offer discounts and sales not available in their physical locations.

7) Getting packages (let’s be optimistic that their boxes use post-consumer, recycled material) kinda feels like its your birthday, even when you know what’s inside…

8) They’re always open…24/7.

9) There are no annoying sales reps, advertisements maybe, but no more nagging and impulse shopping at your expense. (I call it sales-lady guilt syndrome)

10) You can travel to shops from all over the world, in a flash. Need a Pashmina from India? Click, you’re there. (unfortunately this requires them having enough business to keep a webpage running, probably not the case for many local shops, but super cool nonetheless).

Must Visit:::: Designer Site of the week,  www.shopbop.com.

**Great Sale Items, Designer clothing, and style Lookbooks to get some amazing ideas!

**Check it out, they have free shipping everywhere on any purchase!